On a daily basis, I overhear a number of absurdities. I typically post these on Facebook, but I hear a lot more than I put up since I know flooding FB with statuses is cumbersome, and I post enough as it is. As such, I’m going to start a daily log of ALL the ridiculous things that I overhear or things that make me angry that don’t necessarily make the cut for FB. “A farrago of absurdity” is a turn of phrase that I first read in Virginia Woolf’s “A Room of One’s Own,” and what better phrase to title my pretentious humor log than this? Here’s the inaugural post:
Idk why it is such an insult to call someone a “pussy.” Life and infants come out of my pussy. Baby Jesus came out of a pussy.
Next time someones like “You’re such a pussy” imma be like “Literally, God came from a pussy, can you please get over yourself.”
-Me, as I spent $50 at the pump this morning and angrily ruminated on the world and gasoline
Overheard at work:
Girl 1: “My mom gave me these cookies to give to the teacher.”
Girl 2: “So are you gonna give them to him?”
Girl 1: “No I’m going to eat them.”
Damn right, sweetheart. When life gives you cookies, devour them.
I’ve been regularly teasing one of my students at work for the past few weeks for getting new hipster glasses. Today she came up to me and went “I’m not wearing my hip-hop glasses right now!” META MOMENT IS HIPSTER THE NEW HIP HOP?!
When they do get around to cutting me open they will determine: Lynn was made of 70% pho noodle soup and 30% weariness. We tried to locate her ice cold heart but it turns out it melted into the pho a long time go.