EDIT, 4/11/16: Clearly, I ended up being so, so wrong about this. My bad, America. I jinxed us.
Americans are befuddled at the persistence of Donald Trump’s candidacy for president.
This horribly racist, xenophobic, and sexist man … how could he possibly be doing so well in the polls? Why won’t he die of the renewed bubonic plague already?
Worry not, Donald Trump will fade out of relevance once Americans actually have to hit the polls.
Think about it: what does America love, first and foremost?
Not money, not guns, not politics, not even George Washington and his spawn.
We love entertainment. That’s always been number one.
Anything slightly more interesting than old white men blathering about tax policy will capture the nation’s attention. In this case, it’s a slightly younger old white man blathering racist invectives.
So long as Donald Trump continues to entertain, he’ll stick around. He’s fodder for late night talk show monologues and the comedy circuit. Just like our favorite 2008 SNL star. We can’t get enough of national goofballs —they make us laugh, and they distract. All the American psyche truly desires.
Let me remind you that this is the same country that was once into flagpole sitting:
That’s right: in the 1920’s, climbing to the top of flagpoles and sitting there for as long as physically possible was all the rage. The world record was something like 51 days.
Let me also remind you that we were the country that was at one point obsessed with virtual pets.
Not real animals, but poorly pixelated creatures that you could push one of three buttons to feed, play with, or clean. And people shelled out $20 a piece for these keychain tchotchkes.
It doesn’t take much to grab our attention. You could be a man on top of a pole or a three buttoned virtual pet, and be the focal point of our national energies.
So when a ginger-haired, loud mouthed bigot comes stumbling along on a cobbled road to the White House, of course he’s bound to capture national attention. As long as he’s a punchline, he’ll be relevant.
But as Sarah is well aware of, eventually, jokes get old.
And that is why Donald Trump won’t— Oh gee, China is building a high speed rail from LA to Vegas? I’m there.